Burned Biscuits

Growing up Mom was notoriously known for burning things and forgetting things in the stove or microwave. She burned the biscuits more times than she’d like to admit.

We still ate those biscuits, smothered in butter. Those lumps of charcoal never hurt anyone right?

It’s been a rough few weeks, and I’ve had my fair share of burned biscuits. I didn’t want April to end and wanted to fast-forward to the end of May. I just wanted the month to fly by, but it’s been going by ever so slowly! There seems to be one thing after another – slew of doctor offices calling to schedule my next round of doctor appointments, work stuff, personal things, and the list goes on.

Burned biscuits.

This week has been a lot more difficult to navigate through considering things, especially with tomorrow in the back of my mind.

May 8th, 2014 – I was anxiously awaiting my genetic testing appointment. Liz and I set up the appointments together and went together. The car ride there we talked about a lot. Life. Sarah’s latest chemo treatment and her trip to the ER. The lump they found on her lungs.

We sat in the office speaking with the geneticist about all of the what-ifs. What if we had the gene? What if we didn’t have the gene? What if one of us had the gene and the other did not? How would we handle the news? Would one of us have what’s called survivors guilt? What would we do if we had the gene – immediately start proactive measures, do surgeries, play Russian Roulette, do nothing? All questions we had to answer and talk through.

I already knew what I would do. I just wanted them to walk me to the lab, draw blood, and send me on my way. I knew based on my research already, watching Sarah go through H-E-*-*!!

I think I’m more on edge about the day I actually got the call to confirm what I already knew in my gut.

There are certain days I absolutely don’t like, like March 10th, May 8th, the other day in May! I can look at those days and be pissed off. Or, I can celebrate those days and the joys that came from those trials.

We vowed as a family to come out of Sarah’s cancer journey joyful, upbeat and positive. We would not come out of it angry or bitter. We definitely have our moments, and I have my bad days quite often (more than I’d care to admit). However, doing the double mastectomy was the best and most important decision I could ever make.

It brought Sarah and I a lot closer! She’s my sounding board when I’m struggling with something or having a bad day. We bounce things off of each other. She understands what I’m thinking and feeling. I can’t relate with the cancer journey, but we can relate with losing our breasts. For that, everything is worth it. We’ve always had a bit and cold relationship. We had our good moments and bad. Not all siblings always get along! I’m so thankful for how this brought us closer.

(For those of you wondering, Sarah’s doing extremely well! She’s working full-time , doing a lot of projects around her home, and in great spirits. I’m proud of her for everything. Yes, she has her bad days, but don’t we all?!)

I’m so thankful for all of the bad things throughout this journey, as well as the blessings that came from it (and continue to come from this). I honestly need to write a blog about all the blessings that have come from this!

Anyway, forgive me ahead of time if I’m not completely all there. I’m crying now as I wrote this, and forgive me if I cry tomorrow! I’m a little delicate, but life goes on!!

So, pass me a biscuit, and yes, a burned biscuit will do. I’ll enjoy the here and now. I’ll just be sure to melt some cheese on top and slather the middle with butter!