Everyone has junk lying around the house. Some more so than others. I work with clients and go to job sites quite often to see work being done and so forth. I’m amazed at the crap some people have in their homes and garages. I’m not judging them by any means, but I couldn’t live that way. Some people are hoarders – they have garages full of newspapers. They have bedrooms piled high with boxes and crap. They say clutter isn’t healthy. Mess causes stress. When my bed isn’t made in the morning, I go crazy. It bothers me throughout the day, and when I get home I march right upstairs and make that bed. When my closet isn’t organized from lights to darks, I go insane. I feel like my life is out of control when there’s messes and clutter. Normally when I’m upset or processing something, my go-to is organizing and cleaning. There’s something about being able to control that which you cannot control. I have a sense of control and accomplishment when I de-junk. I feel a sense of accomplishment. Sometimes things feel like they’re spiraling out of control, and I just don’t give a damn, I mean darn. See?!?
What is clutter? Good question. Clutter is keeping anything around the house that doesn’t add value to your life. It had a purpose at one point, but no longer does.
Clutter can zap energy and value from your life. De-junking relieves stress. De-junking the house is a process – One that takes a lot of time, effort and energy. Twice a year I’ll spend several weekends in a row going room-by-room and organizing things. The last few months I’ve been de-junking my house on top of doing the basement remodel. It’s kind of crazy how much crap you can accumulate. I’ve been putting things in piles: 1) Keep 2) Get rid of/donate and 3) Questionable. The questionable pile is for those items I know I should get rid of but just haven’t taken the plunge yet. There might still be that emotional tie to them, memory or whatever else it may be. So, what do I do? Keep it and tell myself that I’ll eventually get rid of it when the time is right. I justify why I should keep it.
Again, it’s not adding any value. It’s taking space on that shelf when I could have another open shelf. There comes a point where you finally part ways with that item.
Just like in life, there are friendships and relationships that you have to part ways with also, whether it is with an ex, a friend and anything in between. You meet someone and become friends. You get to know each other, but eventually the sweetness fades away. The friendship or relationship no longer brings value and potentially even detrimental. That friendship/relationship is only draining you, not them. The detrimental part could be you being a shelf person to someone and they only take you off the shelf when it’s convenient for them.
Fear is another reason why some can’t move on. You can’t break up with that person because you’re scared to be alone and not being able to find someone else; fear of your darkest secrets being exposed or used as blackmail; fear of hate or regret.
When I look back on friendships developed throughout my life, I’ve learned that specific friends came into my life just when I needed them. True friendship is about giving without any strings attached. It’s extremely easy to take friendships for granted or put stipulations on them. Sometimes people are so blinded they don’t see how they’re hurting someone.
I’ve really learned in the last year and a half who really wants to be there and who doesn’t. It’s kind of crazy the army of support when first going through things, but as it dwindles down those same people aren’t there. Those same people have made some comments about being jealous of me, etc etc. Don’t be jealous of my situation. It’s nothing glamorous. Living with a new normal and having jacked up pectoral muscles is nothing to be jealous of.
I’ve had to rid my life lately of friendships and relationships that are one-sided; ones that no longer bring me value; ones that view me as a convenience; ones that take me off the shelf when it suits them. I’m continually investing and my bank account with them is in the negative. You’re continually investing “tokens” in someone’s account. Or, those “tokens” are being depleted. Some relationships/friendships for me are completely depleted. I’m drained physically, mentally, and emotionally.
I’m letting go and moving on…As I’ve learned with de-junking my home, it’s important to keep the memories, not the junk. It’s true – some relationships and friendships are better left as memories. Just like that item you cannot part with while de-junking that bedroom because of the emotional tie. You don’t need that item, and it’s taking up space in that closet. Don’t be guilty for tossing it. Don’t be guilty for walking away from friendships, people that are toxic, those that are continually depleting the bank account, and much more. I value myself and am not going to keep myself in those friendships. It’s a process letting go and saying goodbye, and has been the theme of my life since 2012. But, it’s healthy for the mind, body and soul. It’s quality over quantity.
I’ve learned to let go because things aren’t the same anymore. Trust isn’t there. I’m the one constantly putting the effort and work into the relationship/friendship and it’s honestly draining. I’ve let go because it’s damaging or destructing to me. Emotionally I’m fried and tired of making it work. If someone truly cares for you and wants to be in your life, they will make an effort to be in your life. You have value and are worthy. Find that friend that feels so lucky to have met you and have you part of their life. I’ve let go because that friend no longer encourages or believes in me. I want to push and challenge my friends, and if they cannot do the same for me, or jumps down my throat because I’m blunt and honest, it’s not worth it to me. I want my friends to call me out on my crap, and I’ll do the same for them. That’s the beauty of a friendship/relationship.
It’s okay to let that person go. You’ll be fine. They’ll be fine. Life continues to go on, and de-cluttering that friend list may open up the door to a new friend In your life. Someone you may not have met being so caught up in that friendship that wasn’t meant to be anymore. I challenge you as spring is around the corner. De-junk your home. De-junk your life of those that aren’t adding value. Clean out those closets. Open up the windows. Let the light and air in. Keep those acquaintances and move forward with your life. Cross the monkey bars by letting go to move forward. It’s really okay to let those people go. You’ll be much happier in the long-run.
As Penelope Trunk says, “SPRING is a time to find out where you are, who you are, and move toward where you are going.”